No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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