so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
