i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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