he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
