Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
