She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
