I cannot find my penis.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I'm always down for nudity.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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