So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
