found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
