your parents love me but you hate me
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
