WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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