captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
