I just saw a hot homeless man
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
