ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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