He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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