yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
