And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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