i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
