i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
