so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
it's like heaven, but drunker
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
