I cockslap morals
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
