At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
