I think my vagina is haunted
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
