Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
