If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
