Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
