just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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