I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
