I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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