considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
