You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
