WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Houston, we have a blender
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
