If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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