my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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