I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Randomize
