I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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