Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Randomize
