I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
