Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
