Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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