I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
