the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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