So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
