im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
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