I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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