Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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