I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
