my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
