I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
