why do cheetos always look like penises
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
