weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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