I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
